


Communications

by VerdantMoth



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Lack of Communication, M/M, Sad and Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 07:32:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9982961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VerdantMoth/pseuds/VerdantMoth
Summary: Arthur doesn't like it when Merlin leaves, but he hasn't quite told Merlin that.





	

          Arthur got it, he really did. Merlin had a life here, one he’d built over centuries and millennium. He’d built entire systems of friends and acquaintances and coworkers (whatever the hell that was), and he couldn’t exactly just put it on hold because Arthur had up and walked out of a bloody river. He couldn’t walk away from his current world to settle into a past life.

  
          Merlin had been so good in the beginning, helping Arthur adjust to a world so far beyond anything he could ever have imagined. He’d spent months teaching Arthur new languages and updating him on history and teaching him how to work indoor plumping (thank every deity, new and old for that invention!) and refrigerators and toasters and laptops, even sillier things like can-openers and fans and Arthur’s personal favorite, the Wii. Merlin never once resented it, when Arthur would interrupt him at work lost in his own memories and confused about the world around him. He never said anything about the countless times he had to re-teach Arthur what a cellphone was and how to use it. He was patient, spending an entire year exploring food so that Arthur could find something that was not too sweet, or chemical tasting, or just too unfamiliar. So Arthur was really trying to not begrudge Merlin this weekend. The calendar of this time was so different from the calendar Arthur remembered. He was sure that Merlin had explained to him when it changed, but he couldn’t remember it now. Why Merlin had ever even bought him a Julian calendar instead of just leaving all the Gregorian ones around, was a befuddling mystery. Perhaps he knew how desperate Arthur was for something familiar in this strange new world.

         Whatever the case, he knew he couldn’t blame Merlin for not realizing it was Arthur’s birthday, because in some ways it wasn’t. Except that it was. Calendars were so confusing sometimes. Arthur sighed, scrolling through his options on the television. Nothing he recognized was playing, and nothing playing looked interesting. He assumed he’d care more about vampires and hulks if he knew what they were. Merlin suggested that watching shows was a good way to understand the current culture, but Arthur mostly though people these days were rather petty and self-absorbed. Also strangely obsessed with aliens and magic, although they didn’t call it magic.

         The thing was, not that it was really a thing per-say, just a… well, _thing_ , but these little weekends were happening more and more and Arthur didn’t understand why he wasn’t ever invited. He was friends with the guys right? Sure he didn’t always understand the songs they sang, and he didn’t really pull for any of the same teams as them. Obviously he couldn’t really help with any business stuff because he realllly didn’t know anything about stock markets, but he didn’t think any of that mattered for a weekend in the woods.

  
          Maybe it was a sign. Maybe Merlin had only hung around to teach Arthur how to adapt to this new life. To help him get a basic job so he could support himself and make his own way, and now he was trying to subtly suggest to Arthur it was time to move out and on.

  
          Arthur tapped nervous fingers onto the glass table, letting the telly noise blur into the background. He’d managed to not set the stove on fire as he made a pasta dish, which had taken much longer than it ever took Merlin. It’d been a nice distraction, but now he was watching the clock again. Merlin had left 54 hours ago. That meant Arthur had 18 hours left before he’d come bursting through the door, flushed and eyes bright, with some new adventure to tell Arthur about. Frankly, that was too much time to sit and ponder, to let the anxiety build. Perhaps… Arthur drummed fingers against his knee, flipping his cell phone. He knew Merlin had hidden some things from him above the kitchen sink in a cookie jar. Medicines. Merlin hadn’t appreciated Arthur’s let’s-try-EVERYTHING-new attitude, after he’d mostly accidentally ingested large quantities of something that had made everything floaty. Side point. The thing was, he knew there were some lovely pink and blue pills Merlin took when the petals began to fall. They usually made him sleepy, so he tried not to take them too often.

  
          Arthur snuck into the kitchen, constantly checking over his shoulder because he just knew Merlin was going to poof into the room catching him. Merlin had a way of doing that to him. He didn’t though, and Arthur managed to find the cookie jar and the pink and blue pills. He read the label, then shrugged and popped two and went to lie down.

\---

          Merlin strode through the door of the flat he shared with Arthur, a bag of take out in one hand and his suitcase in the other. “Arthur?” It was mostly silent, only the fan ticking in the silence. Which was a little unusual, because Arthur was almost always hovering around the door when he got home, but Merlin assumed he might’ve been taking a nap. The timing was a little strange, but he wasn’t sure what Arthur got up to when Merlin went off. Arthur never really told him, always saying he “just explored the area some more.”

  
          Still, Merlin couldn’t expect him to always be hanging around the stoop like a puppy. He slumped into the kitchen ready to put the food onto plates and wake Arthur when he saw the cookie jar. Immediately he dropped the bags and grabbed the ceramic shield and dumped it onto the counter. His allergy medicine rolled out and the cap slid off spilling the pills everywhere. Merlin cussed under his breath storming into the bedroom Arthur occupied.

  
          “Arthur?” The blond lay slumped under the covers, only his tussled locks sticking out.  
          “Arthur!” Merlin stepped over to the bed and shook, pulling a muffled snore. He gripped the former king’s shoulders and shook hard, screaming his name.

  
          Arthur stirred a little, blinking blearily up at Merlin. “Was happenin’?”

          Merlin glared down at him. “Thank god you’re alive! What’d you do that for huh? You know modern medicine reacts funny with you! You realize this could’ve killed you a second time.”  
          Slowly Arthur sat up, closing his eyes and opening them slowly to try and condense the number of Merlin’s before him. “I only took two. ‘S what the recommended dosage was.”  
          Merlin shook his head, running a hand over his face. “Look. I’ll talk to you about this tomorrow, when you’ve sobered up some. Just-” he sighed, chewing his lower lip. “Just tell me why?”  
          Arthur blinked a few times, processing the sentence, and then a few more trying to string enough words together to explain. “I don’t like it when you leave.”

  
          Merlin said nothing, watching as Arthur slumped back under the sheets, and then lingering as the he fell back asleep. Much like he had when Arthur had originally returned, he found himself studying the other man’s features, trying to match them to fuzzy memories. Trying to remind himself of the wizard he once was. Trying to dispel dreams that he’d finally lost his mind and conjured up some shadow image.

  
          Eventually he stood and went to clean the mess he’d made in the kitchen.

\---

          When Arthur woke, it was to the smell of bacon and the whistle of a kettle. His head was still a little heavy and his mouth tasted like cotton, but he found his way into the kitchen slowly. Merlin was sitting at their little table, a mug in his hand and a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him. He wasn’t eating though, just staring at the wall the way he did when he was deep in thought.     

  
          Arthur fixed himself a plate, and grabbed the mug Merlin had set up for him, before sitting opposite the staring man. He waited to see if Merlin would say or do anything, but his friend just sat there silently.  
          “Merlin? Hello. Anyone in there?”  
          Merlin jerked, swinging his head around. “When’d you walk in?”  
          Arthur pursed his lips. “Just a few moments ago. When’d you get back?”  
          “You don’t remember?”  
          “Ah- no. Uhm. Must’ve fallen asleep.” Arthur shrugged, hurriedly shoveling food into his mouth.

  
          Merlin nodded, twisting the mug in his hands a moment. “Right. Funny. I got home a little earlier than I thought I would. Got back around 5.”  
          Arthur paused for a moment. “Oh. Yeah, well. Didn’t really feel great so I just went to bed.”  
          Merlin nodded again, slowly. “Right. Arthur, do you know what time it is?”  
          “No? What, like 8, 9 in the morning?”  
          Merlin shook his head. “Nope. It’s about 2 in the afternoon.”  
          Arthur jumped. “What? We’ve got to get to work!”  
          Merlin watched as Arthur flickered about frantically for a moment.  
          “I called out for both of us. Told your boss you’d caught a stomach virus. That you probably wouldn’t be in for a couple of days.”  
          Arthur stalled, one foot raised to go somewhere he wasn’t quite sure of yet. “A couple of days? What for?”  
          “Because I think we need to talk.”

          Arthur lowered his foot but he didn’t turn around. He wasn’t entirely sure he was prepared to see what Merlin’s face looked like. Disappointment wasn’t something he’d ever handled well in other people. He cleared his throat and shrugged. “Talk ‘bout what?”

          Merlin rattled a bottle of pills and Arthur turned slowly, glancing around the small room and rubbing at the cotton pants he wore. “You know, these days, when someone wants to do something drastic, it’s actually a little easier than it used to be. Just find your way to a corner store, pick up a couple of bottles of whatever, and swallow them down then poof.”  
Arthur stared a Merlin a little confused.

  
          “The thing is, most people know you’ve got to take quite a bit more than the recommended dosage. Now, you don’t take this stuff regularly, but you’re also a little intelligent. I’m not saying you’re smart or anything, but you could’ve probably figured out that if twos recommended than it probably isn’t harmful.”

          Arthur wasn’t sure if he was supposed to nod or speak, but he still stayed silent where he was.  
          “So I’m assuming you’re not suicidal. Which is a relief after finding you passed out last night having gotten into the medicine I’d hidden away.”  
          “To be fair, it’s a rather poor hiding spot Merlin.” Arthur hesitantly sat back in his chair, watching the way Merlin clenched his fist and his nostrils flared.  
          “This isn’t a joke, Arthur.”  
          “I know. Look, it’s nothing really. I just wanted to sleep is all. I was careful about it. You’ve taken them plenty of times so I didn’t really think it’d be a problem.”  
          “The thing is, you couldn’t have known that! See, ‘cause I’ve been around a long, long time. I don’t quite know the science behind it, but I’m assuming that since I’ve been there for most advances my body’s been able to adapt to them in a way that yours hasn’t. You’ve still got Camelot genetics. You’ve been vaccinated sure, and we’re slowly testing you against new products, but we have to tread really carefully because there are things that exist now that are so far removed from anything that existed then it’s like you’ve been dumped onto a new planet with a different set of rules. If you want to try something out, that’s fine and dandy but you’ve gotta wait until I’m here in case something goes wrong!”

          Arthur held up his hands. “Alright! I’m sorry Merlin. I won’t do it again!”  
          “Why’d you even do it in the first place?”

          Arthur shrugged, running a nail across the table, chasing after some cold egg bits.

          Merlin hesitated, before letting out a low breath. “Arthur, are you..” he pushed the mug away from, hesitantly reaching out for Arthur’s wrist. “Are you depressed?”  
Arthur blinked.

          “Look, I know it’s not been easy for you, popping up in a new time with everyone and everything you know gone, but I really thought you were adjusting okay. If I need to be around more I can be, or if we need to slow down on technology introduction that’s fine, but you’ve got to tell me these things.”

          Arthur shook his head. “I’m not depressed, Merlin. What on earth made you think something as daft as that?”  
         

          Merlin glared. “It’s not an entirely daft idea. Usually when people take things they don’t need it’s for one of two reasons. They're either trying to get high or they’re depressed and they don’t want to deal with it.”  


          Arthur scowled. “Well, I’ve already been high and that wasn’t the most pleasant experience, and I’ve told you I’m not depressed. I just wanted to go to sleep early because I wasn’t feeling well and I was having some trouble so I just took what you take when spring time comes.”

          “That’s not what you said last night.”  
          “Well, considering I don’t really remember anything I was probably a little confused because of the medicine. It’s not a big deal. I won’t do it again though, so don’t worry.”

          Merlin shook his head. “What did you mean, last night, when you said ‘I don’t like it when you leave?’”  
          Arthur shrugged, feeling warm embarrassment burning his neck. “I dunno. Just that I suppose.”  
Merlin scoffed and drew back his hand, yanking it through his hair. “That’s not really an answer you know. It’s not like you didn’t know I was leaving. If you really didn’t want me to go you should’ve said something.”

          Arthur glared. “I know that, Merlin. But I can’t ask you to hang around here just because I get a little lonely sometimes.”  
          “What about all of your explorations? Surely you have some friends from the bookstore.”  
          Arthur rolled his eyes. “I don’t actually go wandering around the city when you leave, idiot.”  
          “Then what do you do?”  
          “Mostly I just hang around here and wait for you to come back.”

          Merlin didn’t say anything for a long time, and then he laughed. Laughed long and hard, until there were tears rolling down his face and he was gasping for breath.  
          “I really don’t understand what is so funny, Merlin.” Arthur huffed, crossing his arms across his chest.  
          “I’m sorry. It’s really not funny. It’s not. Just.” He paused a moment, trying to get his breath back. “Arthur. I’ve spent lifetimes doing just that. Waiting for you to come back. I know that you’re a strong person, so a couple of days every few months shouldn’t be such an issue. I always come back, and you know I’m coming back! It’s not like you’re sitting on the edge of a lake staring at a tower no one else can see wondering if a dragon’s prophecy is ever actually going to happen.”

          Arthur scowled down at his plate, pushing the soggy eggs around with his fork. “I just don’t understand why I can’t ever go with you.”  
          Merlin watched him closely. “What’d’ya mean?”

          “Look. I get it, okay? You’ve gone and built an entire life here with people and friends and for some reason they all think you’re incredibly cool and stuff and they want to hang around you and stuff. But I don’t fit here. You’re the only person on this whole planet that I remotely connect with and it’s because we knew each other a lifetime ago! I try, Merlin, I really do. I try to be friends with your people and fit in, and use all of the right terminology and stuff, but it’s hard. And I’m afraid that one day you’re going to get tired of it. You’re going to decide that it’s just easier to leave one weekend and find someone else to live with. You’ve got so much practice you could probably walk out of here and poof somewhere new and have an entire new life before I’ve even figured out how to open a cereal box.” Arthur got quiet, running his hands across the table. “I wouldn’t blame you for doing it. I just, I don’t really want it to happen.”

          Merlin didn’t say anything for a long time and Arthur wasn’t sure if it was a good sign or a bad sign. Neither man moved until Merlin shifted in his seat. He sank to his knees in front beside Arthur and grabbed both of his hands, pulling the blond around to face him. “Arthur. I’m never going to get tired of you or walk away. I’m not entirely sure what has made you so afraid of this outcome, but I’ve waited well over two-thousand years for this. For you to rise out of that murky lake and breath and just exist in the same world as me. Not just memories.”

          Arthur shrugged. “Yeah. But you’ve also got a whole life outside of me. Which, as far as I can tell is normal for peasants like you. Can’t have an entire kingdom catering to your every whim. But I don’t Merlin. Everything I am, every part of who I was, is currently wrapped up in you and your life, because there isn’t anything else here for me. There’s no war about to happen, no people who need me to crusade for them. I can’t help but feel like maybe something went wrong. Like I’m not supposed to be here and that you’re just stuck with me because there’s nowhere else to put me. I just know that one day you’re going to get bored with me, or frustrated, and that’s going to be it. You’re just going to leave me for your new friends who know how to download music and who enjoy the cinema and I’m just going to fade back into memories.”

          Merlin shook his head, threading his fingers through Arthur’s and gripping them tightly. “No. No I don’t accept that. I don’t know why you’re here, but I’m glad you are. I’m not “stuck” with you. And I won’t ever be bored of you.” He stood up and released Arthur’s hands so he could reach out and stroke his hair. “Arthur. I never meant to make you feel this way. I’ve just not been sure how to best introduce you into this world. I didn’t ever want to overwhelm you.”

          Arthur sniffed once, reaching a hesitant hand to Merlin’s hip, clutching the fabric there. He pressed his forehead to the broad planes of his stomach. “Do your friends not like me? Is that why I never get invited off? I mean, I know I don’t talk much at the bars or anything, but I didn’t think I was doing too badly.”

          “No, no! It’s nothing like that. I just thought that you liked spending time alone. I thought maybe you used it to center yourself or take a break from learning. I really did think you went off exploring and that maybe you wanted to do it alone for some reason. Like maybe when I went with you I over explained things and didn’t let you figure them out on your own. I was just trying to let you be independent. That’s all.”

          Arthur nodded against his stomach. “I really don’t intend to be a burden Merlin. But I spend plenty of time on my own at the bookstore. I don’t get people these days and it’s hard to make friends when you’re lifetime highlights are riding horses through fields that no longer exist and dying on a battle field. But I like your friends. They’re weird and brash and loud and they kind of remind me…”

          “They kind of remind you of your knights? I know. That’s why I like them too.” Merlin carded his hands through Arthur’s hair for a while, letting the sounds of the loft shift around them. After Arthur had stopped sniffling he pulled the blond up and wrapped his arms around him, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Let’s make a deal, okay? No more trying to protect each other by not saying something. And I’ll see what the guys think about adding you to our trips.”

          Arthur nodded against him, tilting his head so he could bury his nose in Merlin’s neck. “Okay. And I’ll stay out of your hidden stashes. No more taking anything unless you’re here.”  
Merlin gave a short laugh. “How about just no more experimenting period huh?”

          Arthur trailed his nose up Merlin’s neck with a shrug. “Pretty much every day of my life is an experiment right now. Not sure we can do much about it.”

          Merlin shook his head and pulled away, flicking Arthur on the nose. He reached down and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the couch. “C’mon. We’ve got a few days where they don’t expect us at work. Let’s just hang around the house and be lazy. You never did give me a day off.”

          Arthur rolled his eyes but allowed himself to be led, settling himself close as Merlin shuffled through their Netflix options. He had a feeling he knew what Merlin would pick, (some strange show that somehow managed to parallel his previous life pretty well that Merlin swore he’d never helped with, despite knowing one of the actors) and so he busied himself with trying to subtly press as much of himself against Merlin as possible. Merlin noticed, but said nothing. Instead he hooked an arm around Arthur’s neck and shifted until he’d basically landed in his lap.

          Things weren’t perfect, and Arthur knew better than to expect them to ever be. But he had a feeling they were closer to being perfect now than they were before.


End file.
